Are you sabotaging your own job search efforts?

141257167In my last post, I talked about the differing emotions that may arise if you’ve been made redundant and how these could affect your actions and job search.

In today’s post, I’d like to focus on how you might well be sabotaging your own efforts to get a new job and how a change of perspective could be just the ticket to take a more positive and helpful approach.

Let’s face it – being made redundant is generally not a good experience. It’s often a shock, can be hard to come to terms with and we often feel that it comes at exactly the wrong time – yet frankly when is a good time. Due to the emotions that arise following redundancy, we may also be in self-sabotage mode and not even realise it. Those feelings of anger or depression that can take hold after losing a job can hold us back if we let them. Have you ever met up with a friend who’s having a bad time of things? You want to be supportive and help them if you can and yet you realise that actually they’re not listening to anything you say – all they want to do is vent their frustrations and talk at you about how unfair everything is and who’s to blame. When this happens, have you found yourself desperate to help them or would you much rather turn in the other direction and walk away? Their negativity can even feel like a weight on your shoulders. The fact of the matter is that they’re simply not ready or open to any help or advice that you may be able to offer them.

Let’s take a look at something that might happen should you have recently been made redundant.

Are you playing out the role of the Victim?
We’ve all met a victim in life – someone that everything seems to happen to. It can be easy to become the victim following redundancy. You feel terrible, you start to believe that you may never get another job ever again, the market is shocking at the moment. It all feels overwhelming. You want to share your woes and how awful everything is with everyone you meet. The positive of staying in Victim mode is you actually get a lot of sympathy and attention and that can feel comforting. While we may all require a little comforting from time to time, it’s important not to stay in this mode too long. Paul McGee refers in his book, ‘The Sumo Guy’ to something called ‘Hippo Time’. He states that it’s all very well wallowing around in self-pity for a while, but there comes a time when you have to move on. He also talks about the fact that if you keep repeating your problems to others, you are actually reliving and reinforcing the messages to yourself and making it more difficult for you to move on.

What to do
Accept that you may want a little ‘Hippo time’ and to wallow for a while. However, don’t let it last forever and don’t feel that you have to tell everyone about your issues. Make choices about who you want to share your woes with. Once you’ve had some ‘Hippo time’ consciously make the decision to move on. The last thing you want is for your ‘woe is me’ mentality to affect your job search. A new employer is not going to recruit you because you sent them a desperate, begging style letter! A networking meeting is going to be far more constructive if you are able to share and discuss ideas with your contact rather than overwhelming them with your current situation. Think about networking with others and what you want to gain from that meeting and what messages you want others to take away.

How might I change my perspective when I feel this way?
Here are a few tips and techniques that you may wish to try:

  • Take a good hard look at how you’re acting. When we’re in victim mode we may not want to admit it – but being aware is the first step in being able to move on and let go of that behaviour. If you recognise this is something you’re doing and you’re ready to move on – consider things from another perspective. What do you have right now in your life to be grateful for? It might be something like a hugely supportive husband or wife or great parents. Perhaps it’s that this time has finally given you a chance to reflect on what you want in life and you’ve had the chance to reconnect with your family and friends.
  • You may also want to look at your life through someone else’s eyes, perhaps a close friend. How might they look at your current situation. They might tell you that this is a great opportunity for a fresh start and remind you of the skills and abilities you have that an employer may want. They may well look at your future in a much more optimistic way than you currently would.
  • Finally challenge and question your beliefs – if you start to tell yourself there are no jobs out there – ask is this honestly true. Of course it isn’t there are jobs available. If you hear yourself telling yourself that you’re too old or you don’t have the right skills or experience – again challenge yourself. Is this true? Probably not – others your age are getting new jobs and you do have skills and experience – it’s all about demonstrating these to an employer who wants them. Sometimes we have to challenge our beliefs otherwise they will continue to hold us back.

How a coach might help?
Of course if you want a completely fresh perspective, you may wish to consider working with a coach. A good coach will help you set goals, review options and encourage and motivate you. If you were to work with me, I would help you in the following ways:

  • To help you to assess where you are now
  • To understand where you want to be
  • Work with you to review your career options
  • Review your CV and ensure that you have a CV that best represents your skills and experience
  • Help you to overcome interview nerves and act confidently at interview
  • Ensure that you are as prepared as possible in order to aid your success
If you would like to find out more, please contact me at or give me a call on 07834 6017872 to discuss your current situation and options.
In my next post, I’ll be talking about anger at your situation and how this could be sabotaging your job search efforts.


Keeping Positive during Job Search

There was a flurry of activity in the house yesterday morning, when I was confirmed to speak on the Perry Spiller show on BBC Radio Stoke at lunchtime. Perry was interested in finding out more about how you mentally prepare for a job search and interviews after redundancy and also how you keep positive if you’ve been searching for a job for a long time without success. If you’ve just been made redundant, that can be hard enough, however, continually applying for jobs and not getting them is even harder. It can be immensely frustrating and also it can really knock your levels of confidence and self-esteem. Over the course of the next few posts, I’ll be writing on this subject in more detail, so why not subscribe to my posts to ensure you get them all.

I’m also in the process of developing a new career coaching programme and will be sharing details of this too in the near future. As I’m still in the development stages, let me know what you would be interested in if you were undertaking this programme as it’s always good to get feedback from others.

So for now here’s the link to the radio show which will be available for the next 6 days. I’m on right at the end of the show so if you toggle forward to 2 hours 45 minutes into the show, you’ll find me there:

And don’t forget to let me know your comments.





Shameless Self Promotion

GooseberriesIn an act of shameless self-promotion, I’m writing to tell you that I’ll be at the Nantwich Show on Wednesday 31st July touting my wares. I love connecting with new people and reconnecting with old friends, so if you know me please swing by and say hello and if you don’t why not come and introduce yourself. It will be great to see you.

As you may well know, the Nantwich show is best known for its marvellous array of wonderful cheeses. Suppliers travel from all over the world to bring you their finest cheeses. Yum, I feel hungry just thinking about it. But when you’re completely full of the choicest Cheshire and the most gorgeous Gruyeres and you want something different, head over to see me and my colleague Anne. We’ll be in the Town and Country pavilion and would love to talk to you about what’s important to you in life and how we can help you. We can arrange life coaching, career coaching, an EFT session, wedding nerves coaching, Reiki and much more. We want to support you in living positively and believe that we have much in our portfolio that can do that.

We’ll be running a competition during the show and two lucky winners will benefit from a 30 minute session with one of us. Does it get any better? Well yes in fact it does. As a special promotion, I will also be offering a show discount of 25% off my prices. So if you book a one to one session with me at the show, you’ll be able to purchase at the reduced rate.

I really hope to see you at the show and let’s hope this weather continues and we get a sunshine day to meet and greet you.

That’s all folks.